Call Toll Free at 855-90-SUPPORT

Blog

Moving Beyond the Lights and Sirens

On May 28th of this year, I entered what will be my last year in the fire service.  It has been the greatest honor to serve others in their time of need, and I openly embrace my pending retirement with a balanced mind, body, and spirit.    Several firefighters on my department will retire before me over the next year, and this got me thinking about what it will be like to move beyond the lights and sirens.

There are different types of relationships we encounter over a lifetime: spousal, familial, parental, etc.  The one that we do not often examine is the relationship we have with our chosen career as a first responder. This partnership is also filled with highs and lows, victories and defeats, peace, and harmony as any marriage that I know.  Over the course of 20 + years, we cultivate a bond, and sometimes fight with our “second family”.  For many first responders, this is another chapter (in their book of life) as they move on to other pursuits.  For others, this world is all they know and the thought of life beyond that, can riddle them with anxiety.  What are they to do?

As Matt Olson once said “The Fire Service has the ability to really get into your blood, and it’s something that if we are not careful, is easy to make firefighter our identity. So, when people leave this career, it can be challenging.”  ILFFPS Retiree Liaison Chuck Wehrli echoed this sentiment when he said “Last year alone out of 94 suicides across the country for firefighters and medics, 15% were retirees, and within weeks of retirement had committed suicide.  When people are not prepared to retire, it can be very difficult if they do not have support. If you are having issues with retirement as far as medical, not prepared to do anything any more but sit around the house – reach out to the Illinois Firefighter Peer Support.  Give us your feedback, and let’s try to make it better for the next generation of people.”   The begs the question, what can we do to gracefully cross the bridge from active duty into retirement?

 

One of the requirements of the initial peer support training is to develop your own personal wellness plan that has a two-fold purpose.  First, it gives us direction or a game plan if you will, should life “on the job” become personally overwhelming.  Second, it provides a guide for us to use when we meet with a peer in need to assist them in creating his/her own wellness initiative.  This plan should be revised often to include goals for life after service. Let’s look at a couple of ways to help us cross that bridge. I encourage our readers to respond to this post and grow this list.

One honorable way to stay connected to the service is to become a member of ILFFPS and assist the next generation of first responders manage what can be a physically, mentally, and emotionally challenging career path.  A retiree has at a minimum 20 years’ worth of wisdom that can be shared with younger peers whose world has become overwhelming.  It is most gratifying to sit across from a brother or sister in need and watch his/her face light up with hope.  Give Chuck or anyone of our peer leaders a call to get started.

 

ILFFPS OG Image

Another way to bow out gracefully is to be the best mentor you can to the younger first responders (in the time you have left) to ensure the world you leave behind is in capable hands.  Don’t be surprised if your phone rings often, and it is the young charges seeking your advice when the going gets tough.  I am working earnestly to express my gratitude (to the fire service) by developing a strong wellness program that includes physical, mental, and emotional resiliency components. It is the least I can do as I part ways with the friendship I cultivated nearly 25 years ago.

As for me, I will remain actively involved with ILFFPS in my current role, as well as an instructor for the Firefighter Cancer Support Network.  I also own a startup health coaching and wellness education business that I hope will keep me busy long after I hang up my gear for the final time.

A couple of weeks ago I chose The Eagles It’s Your World Now as my retirement song. On the surface it is about the relationship between a couple.  To me, however, it best exemplifies the relationship I had with my friend-  the fire service. This song also offers words of advice to those whom I leave behind.  Glenn Fry tells this story far better than I could ever describe in writing.  I hope you enjoy this little gem. Until next time –

Be well and stay safe,

Tim

 

 

Courage to Move Beyond the Shadows

During a recent conversation, I was asked what it was like to share my story for the first time with my colleagues. How was it accepted? Was I viewed as weak because I openly shared my mental health struggles? The easiest way for me to answer the above questions is to rewind the video in my life and start at that moment in time.

 

In April of 2014, I was part of the inaugural Illinois Firefighter Peer Support graduating class (it is hard to believe that 4 years have flown by so quickly). Our first assignment, as you know well is to provide educational outreach to our respective departments. My first experience was to present to my fellow officers at the monthly staff meeting which was held in June of that same year. Prior to my seeking treatment for post-traumatic stress injuries, I wreaked havoc during several said meetings with a bull-in-the-china shop mentality. When my buttons were pushed, I quickly pounced back at whomever challenged me. My chief commented one time that even he felt uncomfortable. “Uh, Oh! I thought. It was time to cool my jets.” ILFFPS changed all of that for me.

I remember vividly standing before my colleagues sharing not only the concept of ILFFPS, but also my personal struggles. I apologized for my past behaviors and stressed that my PTSD was not an excuse, but an explanation for my actions. My story was well received by my peers, and I was thanked for being honest and humble about the past. I decided to start my journey here, as it was my very first share post-class. Next up, was presenting to the rest of the department. I covered all shifts and had one of our fellow peer supporters assist me with this endeavor in November of 2014. A small group of officers was one thing, but the entire department was another. On the surface, the outreach was well-received.

I can never really say if I am viewed as weak because I openly acknowledged that I sought out psychotherapy for my issues- for most would never tell me that directly. I was recently made aware by one of the younger firefighters that some person(s) voiced an opinion that the peer work I do is complete BS. “Why should we sit and listen to someone else’s story”, one was heard to say. It is not for me to judge the merits of this statement, as I am going to work tirelessly regardless of what is said because peer support does work as evidenced by those I have listened to and referred when necessary.

It is going to take our brothers and sisters time to become comfortable with our work, as change takes time. In life, we will face an opposing viewpoint. The key is to have the courage to move beyond the shadows (of stigma), and let your voice be heard- as it is one of the most kind and healing gifts that you can give to your mind, body, and spirit. Equally as important, this voice may resonate with at least one person whose life will be changed forever for the better.

 

Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Our lives begin to end, the day we remain silent about things that matter.”

Have courage and matter- our peers will respond in-kind. I highly encourage you to actively participate in our team blog. You can send any submissions (in a Word document) to me at timgrutzius@gmail.com Please include a title for your work. Submissions can be about personal stories, self-care, or anything you feel will benefit our readers at-large. Until next time-

Be well,
Tim

To Resonate – Be Vulnerable

On September 21st, I had the honor and privilege of attending day one of the 2nd Annual Rosecrance Florian Symposium along with 200 others from 20 States. It was awesome to catch up with fellow team members as well as make new contacts with others who have a personal stake in behavioral health issues concerning 1st responders. After listening to several speakers throughout the day, the common theme boiled down to just one word – vulnerability.

2nd Annual Rosecrance Florian Symposium

The day began with Florian Program Director Dan DeGryse recounting his years with the Chicago Fire Department as a rank and file blue shirt to battalion Chief (current rank) to the head of their EAP program for over 15 years. Dan related that there were many times after a shift he came home and just did not want to talk to anybody (due in part to his role as both a firefighter and EAP director), something he acknowledged had affected his family dynamic. He also expressed his frustration and anger over the increasing suicides within the department, something that eventually lead to his association with Rosecrance and the development of the Florian Program. Dan’s opening remarks were authentic and filled with emotion.

The first keynote speaker was Kent Williams, a retired Police Chief who spoke about the arena of crisis within which 1st responders operate, and how we can overcome the stressors (curse) that comes with the blessing of serving others in need. Kent spoke about his “wake up” when his wife had to tell him that his children were afraid of him. It was at that moment in the presentation that I sensed his regret over this issue in his life. However, this incident inspired him to create his business Breach Point Consulting. He defined the breach point as “A sudden change in personal/professional perspective, allowing for tremendous personal growth”. He shares lessons learned (that spanned a 32-year career) with others so they will not have to face the same trials and tribulations. An honest, open, and dynamic conversation to say the least.

The next session I attended was presented by (a friend of mine from Canada) Dan Bowers who is a retired Ontario Provincial Police Officer. Dan recounted his struggles with PTSD, depression, and drinking that led to two failed marriages and estrangement from his children. After much reflection, Dan realized that the most important circle around us (family, friends, or significant others) are all too often left behind with no idea about how to help the first responder should they experience a crisis. This led Dan to complete ardent research concerning this issue which inspired him to create the First Eyes Mental Health Program. Currently this program is only available in Canada, and consists of a 6-hour workshop that includes all stakeholders in the 1st responder’s circle. By the end of the day, this circle will complete 8 modules of instruction and leave with a solid game plan and resources to use in the event of a mental/emotional crisis. Two memorable take-away quotes from this presentation: “Mental health recovery is not linear, it bounces back and forth but you can get through it, and have a rebirth”. “We can’t rely on others to do our homework”. Another real, raw, and honest conversation about lessons learned.

 

Illinois Peer Support Team Logo
The next session I attended was led by our own Colleen Murphy who is the Spouse Coordinator for Illinois Firefighter Peer Support. Colleen shared her personal story as the wife of a firefighter and the nuggets of wisdom garnered from this life experience. The greatest take away for any first responder is that it is very hard to separate the effects of the job from home life. A way to ease this burden is to have an open line of communication between partners and their children. Colleen said it is paramount to bring kids to the workplace to relieve any separation anxiety and/or fears they may experience. Colleen is a great asset to spouses and significant others and connects easily with those she helps just by being honest and open.

The final speakers of the day were Mike Dugan and John Walters of the FDNY who shared each of their own personal stories about years on the job and the toll it took on their psyche. These speakers did not define the effects of mental health injuries (like PTSD) as would a textbook- they did not have to. They spoke of self-medicating through alcohol, having a spouse significant other give them an “eye-opener” through honest conversation, and losing friends through suicide. Each man took the courageous step and had the emotional intelligence to realize that they would not get any better without seeking the services of a professional counselor and peer support personnel. Mike did state it is most beneficial to seek out a counselor who has a strong baseline knowledge of our profession for the most meaningful recovery. An hour and 15 minutes of two men telling very poignant stories. Nothing more and nothing less.

The Courage to be Vulnerable

The theme for this year’s Symposium was “We all Need Help Sometimes”. To me, the theme for the day was vulnerability. Each speaker connected with his/her audience simply by providing an open, honest, and meaningful conversation. As peer support team members, we are engaged in public speaking (educational) events to spread the good word, as well as provide one-on-one services to a brother or sister in need. In the long run- to resonate, be vulnerable.

In health and wellness,
Tim

 

When It Comes to Self-Care, the Little Things Do Matter

In 1972, Jackson Browne collaborated with Glenn Frey to write the song Take It Easy.  This iconic song was released on May 1st of that same year as The Eagles first single.  I have probably listened to it hundreds of times, always getting lost in the Glenn Frey vocals and lead guitar of Bernie Leadon.  However, the other day I heard something that I never took note of before: the banjo.  It may seem odd that I want to start a blog post discussing an Eagles song, but it is the fine details that fascinate me. Now that I know this instrument is present- it provides greater depth and awareness to the little things.  This got me thinking about self-care.

In June of 2016, I penned a post titled We Are Not Teflon.  In that post, I raised the question about whether all we are exposed to as a 1st responder and/or peer supporter will stick to us (more specifically, our psyche).  Unlike the coated Teflon pan, what we bear witness to, can or may “stick” with us- depending upon our level of resiliency and grounding as an individual.  In that discussion, I made this call to action:

“It has always been my understanding that professional counselors and psychiatrists . . . need someone to talk and debrief with to cleanse and avoid trauma to their psyche.  If they do it, why not us? . . .”

“I think it would be prudent to reach out and debrief with someone, even if it is just to say, “I am doing okay”.

I now want to take it one step further (or backwards) and talk about the little things that lead us to this check in.

 

Self-Care is an act of Self-Love

 

In the 1st responder world, a common safety practice (that is ingrained early on during the academy) is to maintain a high degree of situational awareness at all emergency scenes, or “knowing what is going on around you” “Taking in the big picture”.  This entails focusing on critical elements, using our senses, which allows us to hone in on mission-oriented success.  If we do this at every emergency, then why not an examination of our own health and wellbeing?

For instance, maybe you had previously engaged the services of a behavioral health specialist and came to a successful “termination” of this professional relationship- and could readily engage with the demands of personal and occupational living. You began to move along as a 1st responder/peer support person when out of nowhere, you became weighed down.  Things began to “stick” to your psyche once again.  What did this feel like?  Intellectually, you told yourself- “I got this, no problem”.  Emotionally, it’s altogether a different story.  Emotions: the little things that can make or break us.  To maintain balance, we must get down to the heart of the matter by: recognizing the signals, identify the effect on the psyche, and create a game plan to support a lapse.

The following are potential signals that all may not be well:

  • Extended period(s) of sadness
  • Loss of sleep due to ruminating thoughts
  • Overwhelming anxiety/fixation on future events
  • Absorbing the negativity of local, national, or world events
  • Feeling like a hamster on a wheel with no end in sight.

This is just a very short list to say the least, but never the less it provides a way to check in with yourself occasionally.

The next step is an examination of said emotions/feelings once they have been identified.  Ask yourself “What do they feel like?”  “What are they really doing to my overall wellbeing and psyche?”  Keep in mind, it may be a spouse, family member, friend, or significant other that recognizes the changes before you do.  It is all the better if you can recognize it in yourself.

The final step/question to ask yourself “What do I want to do with these emotions?”  “Is this a lapse or relapse?”  “Am I in the same or worse position than when I first began my healing journey?”  We need to have a strategy in place to support us in the event we must cross this bridge.  Here are a few ideas:

  • Utilize the peer support system
  • Contact a qualified behavioral health specialist
  • Talk to a spiritual advisor

 

 

First Eyes Proactive Mental Health Program

Speaking of strategies, this past February, while in Toronto, I met retired Ontario Provincial Police Officer Dan Bowers who created the First Eyes Proactive Mental Health Program.  Dan offers a 6-hour workshop to 1st responders, their families, spouse, significant others, and friends.  By the end of the day, all attendees will have a plan in place should they recognize changes in their public servant.  It is called “First Eyes” because it is the stakeholders that live or interact with us every day, who will recognize the changes first.  Currently, the program is available to residents of Canada.

I encouraged Dan to apply as a presenter at next month’s Rosecrance Symposium to bring his program to the States for consideration.  Dan was accepted and will be speaking about the First Eyes (https://firsteyes.ca/) program on September 21st, 2017.  Also speaking on that same day will be our own team members Matt Olson and Jada Hudson (Creating a Firefighter Peer Support Team), Leah Siwinski (There’s Life in Her Yet), and Colleen Murphy (Spouses and Families of First Responders).

 

2nd Annual Rosecrance Florian Symposium

I highly encourage anyone from the team who has not heard these speakers to do so. Go with the intention of picking up at least one take home (including CE) that will offer you guidance on your own healing journey.  There is no shame or stigma attached to a lapse or relapse when it comes to your own wellbeing.  Remember, we are not Teflon, and it is the little things that truly do matter.  Until next time-

Be well,

Tim

Here is Take It Easy- see if you can pick out the banjo.

 

My Homeless Experience for the Night

The following post was submitted by Andy Perry of the Peoria Fire Department:

On Friday, January 13, 2017, I volunteered to be a part of about 70 local community members in spending the night outside the Peoria Civic Center in cardboard refrigerator boxes, from 6:00 pm in the evening until 6:00 am the next morning.    A not-for-profit group hosted the event to raise awareness of the challenges faced by those in the Peoria, Illinois community without homes and to give citizens an opportunity to help in the fight to end homelessness in Central Illinois.  Each of us was sked to raise $1,000 for the “privilege” of participating.  The event raised approximately $64,000 to support the group’s continuing efforts to provide permanent supportive housing and end homelessness in our community.   The event also included a series of educational presentations focused on homelessness and its impact on our community.

 

Homeless man holding a sign

 

The idea was first mentioned at a monthly union meeting, and three Peoria Firefighter Local 50 members attended along with our Assistant Fire Chief.  We met up in the lobby of the Peoria Civic Center and signed in a few minutes before the event kicked off and we began our twelve hours of homelessness.

 

I must admit the 28 degree temperatures felt pretty cushy as I was bundled up in long johns, sweat pants, snow pants, t-shirt, sweatshirt, down-feather coat, ski gloves, and snow cap.  I felt my first pang of guilt.  The next step was to choose my house.  I picked a 27-cubic foot refrigerator box and positioned it next to my fellow firefighters’ homes, but not before spreading a yoga mat down beneath it for an additional barrier between me and the cold concrete – my second pang of guilt.  Next came the industrial grade waterproof, gooseneck feather filled, arctic rated sleeping bag.  At this point, ten minutes in to the night, I felt like I was cheating until I looked around at similarly dressed and prepared participants that looked ready for a trip to the North Pole.

 

An awkward feeling-out period began next as people began to mingle and chat and discuss the night ahead.  A man with a bullhorn informed us there would be pizza delivered in a few hours, there were warming stations just inside the foyer door, and armed security guards staffed the entrance and exit locations to keep out the local riff-raff – many of whom I suppose were homeless.  This time the guilty pang hit me with a bit more sense of irony and hypocrisy.  Nevertheless, a few hours passed and I decided to hit the rack.

 

 

Homelss sign

 

I laid down and snuggled into the sleeping bag and found a nice hole in the box near my head.  Although it allowed the 18 degree temperatures and 10mph wind from the ENE to infiltrate my bedroom, it served nicely as a hanger for my eye glasses.  The festive mood outside slowly died down and I naturally couldn’t sleep.  This was a blessing.  It allowed me time to think about the experience on many different levels.

 

I originally signed up to gain a simple understanding of what it would be like to be homeless.  I had envisioned meeting at a predetermined location, hopping in the back of a van and being dropped off on a random street corner left to survive the elements and surroundings of the real “Street life.”  The guilty pleasures of having warm clothing, a safe environment, and warm food, put a damper on those notions.  All was not lost, however.  It was still humbling as I lay there without my CPAP machine or my dogs at the foot of the bed.  My wife wasn’t there and my kids weren’t in the rooms next door.  This was enough to help me empathize with the true sick and suffering persons ailing with homelessness every day and night. I thought of the uniformed police officers working overtime to ensure my safety.  I had never seen similar security details in my 23+ years of being a Peoria Firefighter.  At the time this was written, Peoria had ten shootings in the previous week.  I thought of the times when, as a first responder, I muttered under my breath, feelings of being ‘put out’ by such emergency responses.  I reflected a little deeper into the underlying reasons for some of the homeless individuals to begin with: under-education, addiction, PTSD, assorted mental disorders, feelings of unrecoverable despair, and other contributing factors of life’s unbalanced equity for all.  I eventually fell in and out of sleep for the remainder of the night and I left for home feeling exhausted.  My next-door neighbor, a brother firefighter of mine, undoubtedly left tired as well, as he continually pounded on my exterior wall a few dozen times throughout the night at my snoring.

 

Walk a mile in my shoes saying

 

By no means did this experience give me a 100% insight on what it truly means to be homeless, but in addition to the experience itself, I was enlightened and left speechless by two of the donors that helped me raise my monetary goal.  One indicated to me that he was happy to give because he had been there in real life.  I had no idea.  Another was my niece, an elementary school teacher in a deprived Peoria neighborhood, who told me, “I’m so proud of you uncle Andy. This will directly help many of my students!”  We probably must walk a mile in another man’s shoes to know the real story, but there is some benefit to walking a half-mile – especially if it gets us out of our comfort zone.  I look forward to next January.

 

Andy Perry

Illinois Firefighter Peer Support

andrewperry100@yahoo.com

@andrewperry100 on Twitter